I woke up this morning and looked toward the window to see my trusty friend smiling back at me welcoming me to a new day and reassuring me that all will be well. Yes the Sun has this effect on me, hence, part of our reason to move to Australia.Our children are growing into beautiful people, two of whom would say, " Oh mum, we are grown already!" But do we ever stop growing, especially in the eyes of our parents? I know my mum still says to me what a great job I'm doing and comments on how I've grown. I like that she notices still, it's comforting to me. So I stand by my comment, my children are growing up well. Brad is married to Caley and they are expecting their first baby this September. I will become a grandmother. I remember my mum going through the names she would like to be called by her grandchildren and what wonderful feelings that process invoked. All those yet to be known experiences and that little voice that would call for you. Loving unconditionally without the full measure of responsibility. Nana was the name she chose. What a wonderful Nana she has been and still continues to be. An example of everything a grandchild could dream of. Then there was my grandmother, whom I adored and still miss deeply. She decided to go with Grandy, very regal sounding, quite fitting as we would tease her about her 'poshnes!' I thank her for all the babysitting she would do for me as a single parent when I would have to work. My children adored her too and were very blessed to have two such women in their lives. I have long decided the kind of grandmother I would be. With these two bright shining examples to guide me with a dash of my own hippy ways ! We get to know the gender of this little bub tomorrow and I can't wait. I wonder who they are what they have been learning about up there in heaven ? Who have they met so far from the family? I wonder about these things. When my Beautiful Brogan turned 18 we started a recipe book of my recipes that she loves and will want to cook for her family. I called it MA MA's Recipe book, short for Grandma, I wanted something soft and cuddly, something relaxed because that is who I am really when it comes to my babies.I have to admit to confusion and stress creeping into to my parenting now and then once they beacam teenagers haha, but on the whole I knew who I wanted to be as a mum and tried to stick to it the best I could. With Brad we were best buddies, walking and talking for hours. Inspecting every leaf and bug along the way, no need to rush. Sorry Caley that's maybe why he can't rush now :) But it's a beautiful thing to be able to do. Time passes so quick and all you have left are memories. Memories of not rushing, talking, playing, holidays, bedtime stories, trains, batman, racing cars, 7th birthday camp outs and a brand new bike, PlayStation dreamed of, excitement at Christmases with family, presents under the tree spilling out into all four corners of the room at Nana's. Helping me carry our bags of shopping, measuring height against the wall, mothers day gifts made and cards that have been written, falling down but my kisses and cuddles made it all better, believing in them no matter what defending them with all my might against injustice and upset watching the changes, the awakenings to life, the quiet walk toward manhood, measuring up to who is is, serving a mission and giving himself over to service but always never too old to give a hug and a kiss.
With Brogan, I wondered how a mothers love could stretch that far until she was born, I tell her creation whispered a prayer and she was born. Now I am aware of the problems my babies faced to survive the pregnancy with only a 20% chance of survival, creation really did whisper a prayer for all my children. She came out truly beautiful, perfectly shaped manicured nails, rosebud lips to die for, the softest skin I'd ever felt, and I must say she is still the same. She was a force to be reckoned with and had Bradley wrapped round her little finger in moments. He was so patient with her growling ! We became attached at the hip Brogan and I. Girls are so different, she was maternal from the get go and oh so funny! She has always been so funny. I love her sense of humour. There are few who can make me laugh like she does. I remember driving along with the kids in the car and all of a sudden Brogan was laughing out loud, when I asked her what she was laughing at she told me that she had just tickled her feet to see how it felt! She would climb into the wrapping paper at Christmas and roll herself up in it to see what it felt like to be a present. Climbing into suitcases and all things she could just to FEEL exactly what life is like. She is all about feelings and I must say we are both so similar in that way. We feel our way through life and sometimes that can be a painful experience but then there are those moments of pure joy! Dancing through her teenage years singing at the top of our lungs. Teasing Aaron until we were all crying with laughter. So much fun has been had with Brogan.
Brad was always my 'Sunshine' Brogan was my 'Bobsy' we would take regular holidays together, just us three, to my dads in Wales and Devon. We would rise at 4am to leave before traffic. The kids would rub my shoulders to help me with the driving, what precious times we had.
A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR RODE INTO OUR LIVES, we love you Aaron with all our hearts...
Then there is Jared who came out smiling. Never sleeping, never crying, just a smiley little love bug. Loving and feeling his way through life.Here was number three, 'Buba Boo' which became just 'Boo' it was a joy to have him in our life we all adored him. He would want to be around us all so much that we would lay him as a baby on the dinner table for family meals. He would be happy there, observing this funny little blended family he had been born into. He was a combination of us all, patient, like his brother, funny, like his sister, passionate, like his mummy, musical like his daddy and loving like us all! We played music to Jared in the womb all the time and Aaron would sing to him. Needless to say that when he was born if we played that same music to him he would be very content and just fall asleep if he were tired. He had and still does have a memory like an elephant. The only time he cried was on his way to the doctors at 12 weeks old for his second jab. Aaron had to take him in as I could never take the agony of seeing my babies cry after a jab! As for Jared he had memorized the way to the doctors and would cry about three streets away, from there on in he always became upset on that route.Other than that he was all about love and laughter. I must say he still is. He misses having his younger brothers that we thought would be here with us, but as I said with only a 20% chance of survival they did not make it to this earth, but I know we will all have fun when we do meet them again.
So here I am, the sun is shining, and I am thinking about tomorrow, when we find out who you are little baby Smashpole! All I can say is I've been trained by the best and that I'm so excited and can't wait to get to know you.
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